Monday, August 24, 2009

It's Just Never What You Think It Should Be....

Just when I "think" everything is copacetic, that's when it all falls apart. It's my own fault really one should never think "its all good", that's like the kiss of death to best made plans. I'm now in my adult years where the kids are out on their own and my husband and I have the house to ourselves so to speak (we now have furry children...woof woof). But one must never think the umbilical cord is finally sniped, as there is always some need or crisis looming around the corner. Let's face it cell phones can be a blessing but hey, they can be a curse too. I've decided from now on when I get my mani/pedi it goes off! They always seem to call right when I'm getting my fabulous leg massage, my personal moment...damnit and they call and ruin it! argh...

I feel now that I have all this free time that I longed for especially when I was a single mother struggling on my own, it's also a double edged sword as that I'm very alone in the house most of the time. My husband is gone long hours, and I'm alone overnight many nights and now I actually miss having the "kids" around....Come on! you say....make up your mind!?! For years their trails of dirty glasses left aimlessly all over the house or dirty panties left on the floor for the poodle to swipe and run off with and chew as a snack on the couch....I longed for what it would be like not to hear "Mmmoooommmmm" yelled from the other end of the house, meaning I must drop what I'm doing to grant their wish of their command. Or just to go out on an errand and buy myself a coffee and not have to take out a loan to cover lunch for starving kids, that I fed at home before we left just so we wouldn't have to buy lunch out!? And now when I wander the mall and see others laughing and talking and pushing those strollers ( I really don't miss those days, but I just had to add that in) I feel a real sense of loss and loneliness, and not really having a ton of girlfriends with the same days off work that I do to go out in the middle of the week because of MY odd work schedule. Or now as I find since I chose to have kids in my early 20's, many moms have waited to their 30's even 40's and now that Im 48 and kid free they have youngin's hanging off of them! So what to do what to do.....I guess I try and enjoy the moments I can shop in peace alone with no one pulling on my leg saying "mommy I gotta go to the bathroom" or "Im hungry" or "this is boring". And I can set my own pace, and actually get quite a bit done in a day and find time to stop for a coffee and afford it too...
And yeah I do miss my kids because now as young adults they are actually my best friends. And when I get the chance to spend time with them it's really quite enjoyable...Wow did I just say that out loud?

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