Friday, August 14, 2009

Reality Rears It's Ugly Head

Today is a new day, or so I thought as I toss my legs over the edge of my bed at 6:10am to go feed all the dogs. My oldest daughter just found out her job will be "eliminated" in 60 days. Which is a lovely term for Laid-off. Now this particular company actually made a profit last quarter, a rather large one just not as much as they usually would make in years past. So to offset this downfall they've been cutting back on spending and supposedly management? But it's not enough, so now in these hard times where people are losing jobs left and right and have no health insurance, they will do the same to a fairly huge number of employees. And they happen to be in the health care business, even though through the country's recession they showed a profit? I do tend to drift.....
So as you can guess my daughter is a bit distraught, because she will also not be on my health coverage as of next month either as she will have reach the maximum age limit. She has health issues and will now be left with no health care, which is leaving her just a bit cranky. And very difficult to deal with at times. The thing is we are really close, maybe sometimes too close....
And I take the brunt of her frustrations, as she rants and raves about losing her job and I get told "I don't get it". Well.....
I've been it tough spots in my life, like when I was divorced when they were kids. There Dad flaked on us and I basically raised them on my own. No easy task when one is working a part-time job and no child support and having to find swing shift daycare (totally unheard of in the small town where I lived back then). Had to sell our house( which was very painful for me, it was brand new when we purchased it and only 3 years old) and move multiple times over those years to smaller and smaller places or rent rooms in other peoples homes(you do what you gotta do to survive). Did end up working two jobs to make ends meet, and yeah lots of crisis's along the way. But looking back I'm who I am today because of those events I went through, and hopefully stronger and wiser for the better? Right?

And because of that nightmarish path I was on I did meet my now husband at my second job at a cafe. I always say "I won his heart through my lattes". His, a double non-fat latte. Even in my lowest of lowest points (and believe me I hit some pretty low ones) I never gave up that some day I'd meet a good guy and be happy again, and just maybe dig myself out of this mess my ex had left for me and the kids. And even when things got really bad and I'd like to have just given up, I would never had done such a thing because those two beautiful daughters that my ex-husband and I brought into this world depended now on "ME".
So no matter how crazy freaked out broke I was, we had to make it through just one more day and then the next. And you know what we did, and yeah I kissed a few toads along the way....okay....a lot of toads along the way. I guess I always tried to see the good in people...silly me. But then I started making rules, own a house or condo, have a job, have a pet (show that he can love something other than himself what a concept). So yeah I got a little better each time. And you know, my husband had been a long time customer at my cafe and we had talked over months. And he was right there all along right in front of me, are paths were just meant to corny as that sounds. My Italian coworker with her cute little accent would say "theres your fireman", since we did't know his name at the time.
Here's this single guy in his late 30's never married, and he picks me a gal with two kids and LOTS of BAGGAGE! Little did he know...
But 14 years since we've met and 12 years of marriage under our belts, it's all good and our love is still very strong.
(Side note: just before we started dating I was actually dating another firefighter just coincidence, and I hadn't seen my husband come by the cafe in a while. Things were going good with the guy I was dating, I was about a month in this relationship. I was working one morning and I see my now husband come in for his coffee and I say "hi, haven't seen ya in awhile" he says yeah been working a lot" and at that moment I thought to myself :too bad we never got a chance go out on a date with you, I always thought he was cute. But hey I thought I was in this relationship that was going somewhere...little did I know that would all come crashing down the next month. That guy totally lead me on. But the following month I saw my now hubby again and I got my friend to give him my phone number, since I was a chicken. Years later I told him this story of how I was happily involve and felt sad we hadn't "hooked-up" and he told me at that time he was "seeing someone" but nothing serious. But he really loved that I shared that story with him. Because ultimately WE ended up together, so that's why I know WE were meant to be because of that moment)
So I guess what I'm really babbling about hear is you know I really think sometimes things happen for a reason, and maybe their not always good but they make us stronger. And give us the passion to live life and we can have an occasional hissy fit, but then we must get on with it. So I'll let my daughter have her moment, but then it's time for a kick in the ass to get out there and find another job with bene's and maybe even go back to grad school. Which might even be a good thing. Okay I'm feeling a bit better now that I've vented, now I'm going to make a big fatty breakfast for my man who will be home from work soon.

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